public transit oh so gross

Today on the train, the man sitting behind me was coughing this phlegmy, mucous-filled raspy cough that made me (and I imagine everyone else within ear shot) feel like I had a throat full of phleghmy mucous too, even though I didn't. He was better than the man from last week who had the looooong finger nails and was drinking pickle juice out of a jar, and just when I was thinking, "Well, atleast he isn't eating the pickles" he sticks his loooong pointy finger-nailed fingers inside the pickle jar and pulls one out and starts chomping. It's hard to describe how gross this is while barreling through Chicago on a train; Try to imagine pickle smell everywhere. I haven't even mentioned the mystery substance smeared all over the floors of Chicago trains. Dark brown in color. What is up Chicago!?