Tuesday, October 31, 2006

when chicagoans say chicago

The job was a bust. But travelling across Chicago everyday allowed me to feel a part of the city. I studied the different faces, ethnicities, and fashion while riding the trains. I passed through a lot of neighborhoods: Wicker Park, Downtown, Belmont, Uptown, Lakeview, Roger's Park. I don't feel like I stick out so much anymore. I have a sense of the geography and the landscape; brick buildings, tall lamp posts, and sweeping skies that hint at the giant lake not far away. I watched the leaves turn from green to bright yellow, and now I watch them fall. I'm beginning to understand why when Chicagoans say "Chicago" I hear tenderness, defeat, familiarity, and stubborn hope stuffed in that one word like a plump grape ready to burst.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

o in chicago

Thursday, October 19, 2006

costumes

I thought I wanted to be a pirate. Then, I realized I just want to be Johnny Depp. Today, I thought maybe I could be a sting ray. Most likely, I will not dress up and then be really sad and cranky on halloween because I don't have a costume. Although, I do have a back up princess dress in the closet. Then again, maybe I can be a trucker. A scary trucker. A ghosty princess dead trucker that was killed by a stingray.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

public transit oh so gross

Today on the train, the man sitting behind me was coughing this phlegmy, mucous-filled raspy cough that made me (and I imagine everyone else within ear shot) feel like I had a throat full of phleghmy mucous too, even though I didn't. He was better than the man from last week who had the looooong finger nails and was drinking pickle juice out of a jar, and just when I was thinking, "Well, atleast he isn't eating the pickles" he sticks his loooong pointy finger-nailed fingers inside the pickle jar and pulls one out and starts chomping. It's hard to describe how gross this is while barreling through Chicago on a train; Try to imagine pickle smell everywhere. I haven't even mentioned the mystery substance smeared all over the floors of Chicago trains. Dark brown in color. What is up Chicago!?

Saturday, October 14, 2006

the chicago years

Today I felt as if I had been dropped inside a movie, or maybe it's more like a mini-series; I like to call it "The Chicago Years". Surrounded by people I don't really know, yet everything and everyone seems so familiar. This is proof that there is commonality between life in different cities for people that have similar interests, often to a somewhat scary degree. The bad part is that sometimes I feel divorced from the action, as if I am watching a scene play out on screen. I think this surrealism will continue until I feel more rooted. And particularly until people around me have a sense of who I am and how I can be useful. I have lost some confidence due to this sense of "not being known". Its the trick of being certain of who you are without the old smoke and mirrors to help your presentation. Without any context I'm left by myself in the middle of all these new people that look and sound so much like the people I left behind.

Monday, October 09, 2006

yellow


The trees in Chicago turn yellow in the fall.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

conspiracy anyone

Every time I turn on the TV I see women tied up, tortured, and killed via numerous popular crime shows. In the context of all the girls that have been murdered in the past month, why isn't anyone objecting to these images? Doesn't anyone see how wrong it is to display torture as nightly entertainment?

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

low tide on cape cod



This is First Encounter Beach where apparently a bronze marker commemorates the first encounter between local Native Americans and passengers from the Mayflower. This is bay side, so it is a nice place to watch the sunset and quite the pilgrim pickup spot.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

before we were grown up

You look so grown up in your picture. And when we talk on the phone we both sound so grown up. I remember when the look on your face wasn't calm self-assurance; It was only confused growing pains and just plain old pain. I also remember you had a look of amusement when you said that many years later we will laugh at all this. And now we are older and stronger and I'm happy that we can talk on the phone and just laugh.